Stalking is a pattern of repeated, unwanted attention or contact that is intended to cause fear or distress. It can include behaviours such as persistent messaging, following, monitoring, showing up uninvited, or using technology to track or harass someone. While often minimised or misunderstood, can have significant psychological, emotional, and physical impacts.
What Behaviours Count as Stalking?
Stalking involves intrusive, unwanted behaviour directed towards another person. It often develops as a pattern of repeated contact, monitoring or intimidation. Behaviours that may form part of stalking include:
Repeated unwanted calls, messages, emails or social media contact.
Following someone, watching them or repeatedly appearing at places they live, work or visit.
Tracking someone’s location, movements or relationships without their consent, including through tracking devices, apps or access to their accounts.
Leaving unwanted items or offensive material, or publishing material intended to intimidate, humiliate or harass.
Threatening, intimidating or abusive behaviour, including threats involving other people or property.
In Queensland, the relevant criminal offence is called “unlawful stalking, intimidation, harassment or abuse”, under the Criminal Code 1899.
The legal definition covers conduct intentionally directed at a person that occurs on more than one occasion, or during a single prolonged episode. It must either be conduct that would reasonably cause fear of violence against a person or property, or conduct that causes detriment, such as significant psychological or emotional distress or disruption to daily life.
The person engaging in the behaviour does not need to intend to cause fear or harm. Describing their actions as romantic, caring or an attempt to obtain closure does not determine whether the behaviour is unlawful. Whether particular conduct meets the legal definition depends on the circumstances.
Stalking can have significant psychological, emotional and physical impacts, even when there has been no physical violence.
What Drives Stalking Behaviour?
Stalking does not arise from a single cause. It is typically driven by deep seated psychological issues and situational factors.
1. Attachment and Relationship Dynamics
Most individuals who engage in stalking behaviour have difficulties with attachment and usually struggle to initiate and/or maintain meaningful relationships.
This may present as:
Fear of abandonment
Hypersensitivity to rejection
Strong need for reassurance or closeness
Desire to punish perceived transgressions against them
Fragile sense of self
Stalking often results when there has been some form of rejection. This could be a relationship breakdown, rejection of an advance, or a response to a relatively minor interaction such as a comment at work or in a social context. Sometimes an individual will engage in stalking when they feel that the person they desire is unattainable or they are unable to interact with or express their desires appropriately.
2. Cognitive Distortions
Stalking is often maintained by unhelpful beliefs, such as:
“If I persist, they will come back”
“They secretly want this attention”
“I deserve an explanation or closure”
"They deserve to be punished for what they've done"
Cognitive distortions are ultimately self serving and act to maintain stalking behaviours despite clear evidence that it is unwanted.
3. Emotional Dysregulation
Individuals who engage in stalking typically have difficulty recognizing, communicating and managing their own emotions. They may experience intense emotions such as anger, shame, jealousy and loneliness.
Failure to manage their own emotions contributes to unhealthy behaviours such stalking, anger management issues, violence and problematic behaviors like gambling or alcohol addiction.
4. Control and Entitlement
Some perpetrators experience a sense of entitlement to the other person’s time, attention, or affection. Stalking may function as a way to regain a sense of control following perceived rejection or loss of status.
5. Personality and Mental Health Factors
Certain traits or conditions can increase risk, including:
Obsessive tendencies
Paranoid thinking
Poor interpersonal boundaries
History of trauma or unstable relationships
Not all individuals who stalk have a diagnosable condition, but underlying vulnerabilities are common.
Impact on Victims
Stalking can significantly affect a person’s sense of safety and wellbeing. Common impacts include:
Heightened anxiety and hypervigilance
Sleep disturbance
Avoidance of places or routines
Loss of sense of control
Social withdrawal
Over time, this can lead to trauma responses, particularly when the behaviour is persistent or escalates.
What you can do if you are targeted
1. Take It Seriously Early
Early patterns of unwanted contact are important indicators. Trust your perception if something feels intrusive or unsafe.
2. Set Clear Boundaries (Once)
If safe to do so, communicate a clear and unambiguous request for no further contact. Repeated engagement can unintentionally reinforce the behaviour.
3. Minimise Contact
Avoid responding to messages or attempts at contact
Block where possible
Adjust privacy settings on social media
4. Document Everything
Keep records of:
Messages, emails, or calls
Dates and times of incidents
Photographs and/or screenshots
Any witnesses
This can be important for legal or safety planning purposes.
5. Report Early
A lot of people wait a long time before reporting stalking, harassment and technological abuse to the police, but once there is a pattern of intimidating behaviour, early reporting is key. The police might not be able to do anything about it immediately, but each report creates a written record which assists with the kind of response you get if the behaviour escalates. If there is a clear escalation pattern, the police may be more inclined to treat it seriously. Abusive behaviour also tends to start with small things, so even if you think it’s not worth reporting now, you don’t know what the behaviour might evolve into. Ultimately the only thing you lose by reporting early is the time it takes you to lodge the complaint.
6. Seek Support
People who abuse others are very good at making it seem like you’ve somehow caused their behaviour. This can cause you to doubt yourself or worry about whether other people think you’ve somehow contributed to the abuse (think the ‘what was she wearing’ mindset). Ultimately you don’t control their emotions, thoughts or behaviours. They are the ones who are choosing to engage in this behaviour. They are at fault.
Seeking support from the people around you and professionals is an important part of getting help. You don’t have to go through it alone:
Talk to trusted people - let as many people around you know about the situation as you are comfortable with. The more people who know, the less power the person has over you.
Engage professional support if distress is increasing
Consider contacting local support services
Contact police immediately if the behaviour escalates or you feel your (or others) safety is compromised
7. Safety Planning
Depending on severity:
Vary routines
Inform workplaces and/or schools
Increase home security
Check for tracking devices
Check and/or improve your digital security including by changing passwords, turning on 2FA and ensuring you regularly scan devices for malware and spying software
What Perpetrators Can Do
If you recognise elements of your own behaviour in this description, early intervention is important.
1. Acknowledge the Behaviour
Minimising or reframing the behaviour as “romantic” or “just trying to get closure” can maintain the cycle. Recognising that the behaviour is unwanted is a critical first step.
2. Stop Contact
Cease all attempts to communicate, monitor, or approach the person. Even seemingly minor contact can reinforce the pattern.
3. Reflect on Underlying Drivers
Consider:
What emotions are driving the behaviour?
What beliefs are maintaining it?
What need are you trying to meet?
4. Build Emotional Regulation Skills
Develop alternative ways to manage distress, such as:
Grounding strategies
Delaying urges to act
Engaging in structured activities
Find interests and hobbies you can share with others
5. Seek Professional Support
Therapy can assist with:
Processing rejection or loss
Addressing attachment patterns
Challenging cognitive distortions
Developing healthier relational behaviours
Final Considerations
Stalking behaviour exists on a spectrum, but even lower-level patterns can escalate over time if unaddressed. Early recognition and intervention are key.
For people who are targeted, prioritising safety and reducing engagement is central. And always remember: THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT. IT IS NOT YOUR CHOICE.
For perpetrators, taking responsibility and seeking support can prevent harm and support meaningful behavioural change.
If you are unsure where your situation falls, professional guidance can help clarify risk and next steps.
